EPISODE 5/5 - MINI-SERIES : Discussion about the book 'Accept, value and empower yourself' by David B Carter
There's a new episode on the 'Ash Unmasked Podcast'!
In this fifth episode of our 5-part mini-series discussing the book 'Accept, Value and Empower Yourself' by David Bonham Carter, we explore a BIG topic: assertiveness. And no, it’s not about being loud, bossy, or having a “main character moment” every time. It’s about knowing your worth, and expressing it with clarity, honesty, and respect. If you’re not familiar with the book (or you’re just curious what this series is all about), check out the intro episode 🔗HERE🔗.
⚠️ Note: If you’re working through trauma or a mental health condition, please be mindful, some exercises can be emotionally triggering. Go at your own pace, respect your limits and don’t hesitate to seek support from professionals.
So grab a cookie and latte, or your favorite snack and beverage, and let’s get to it, shall we?
🎧 Listen to this episode on Spotify here 🎧:
💭 What is Assertiveness?
In the book, the author explains that we, humans, tend towards three different communication styles:
- Passive: when you don’t speak up, avoid conflict, and let others decide. (hello people-pleasers, we see you 👀)
- Aggressive: when you bulldoze others to get our way, maybe without even realizing it.
- Assertive: the middle ground, when you speak up for yourself without stepping on anyone else.
Assertiveness also means to learn how to clearly, honestly, and respectfully stand your ground, without guilt.
💭 From passive-aggressive to growing
Confession time, we tend to ride that passive train until it derails into emotional chaos, and full blown aggressiveness/rants. We are slowly learning to pause, breath, and explain assertively. Growth is amazing, but also very awkward, and full of 'three steps forward, two steps back' moments. It is important to remind ourselves once in a while that the goal is never perfection, just progress.🎧 Listen to this episode on Youtube here 🎧:
🛠️ Tools from the Book That Helped
The DEAL Method:
- Describe the situation
- Express your feelings
- Ask for a change
- Listen and negotiate
This method is useful when you need to say something tough, and still want to keep things respectful.
The STAR Model:
- Situation
- Thoughts & feelings
- Actions
- Results
This method is helpful to break down patterns and build better responses (especially for those of us with anxiety and/or neurodivergence).
🧠Real Talk: Mental Health and assertiveness
Mental health plays a huge role for us here: PTSD and sensory overload sometimes (often, but less and less) hijack our reactions.
That’s why we practice and plan ahead. And it’s why we keep doing exposure therapy and self-check-ins, because staying grounded helps us to stay kind to ourselves and others.
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💡Key takeaway
- Assertiveness isn’t about being right
- It’s about being real
- You can respect others without erasing yourself
- You can say “no” with love, and “yes” with intention 🦋
Join the Conversation
What are your thoughts on the subject? Any ideas for futures episodes? Feel free to leave comments below connect with us on social media!
We can't wait to unmask more of this life journey with y'alls.
Thanks so much for stopping by the pod!
Until next time, peace out, take care of yourselves out there and keep fluttering your wings 🦋
🔗 Links & Resources:
✍️ The BLOG about the intro episode 🔗HERE🔗
- Pay What you Can Peer Support
📸 Butterfly Shots Photography update!
- ✨ Butterfly Shots Photography is still in rebranding mode!
- We’re carefully curating a few select contracts to give each client full focus
- we’re building something NEW 🎞️ An instant photo souvenir project
Capturing authentic moments, in bold contrasts and vivid colours.
Capturing authentic moments, in bold contrasts and vivid colours.
A Little Extra Support Goes a Long Way
One last thing: If you’re struggling right now, you don’t have to do it alone. We shared something on the pod that we really believe in:
These are virtual groups where you can talk, vent, share, with others who get it. It’s accessible, inclusive, and judgement-free. Check them out if that resonates with you.
These are virtual groups where you can talk, vent, share, with others who get it. It’s accessible, inclusive, and judgement-free. Check them out if that resonates with you.
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