EPISODE 4/5 - MINI-SERIES : Discussion about the book 'Accept, value and empower yourself' by David B Carter
There's a new episode on the 'Ash Unmasked Podcast'!
This is the fourth episode in a five-part mini-series about building self-esteem. In this mini-series, we explore the book 'Accept, Value and Empower Yourself' by David Bonham Carter. If you’re not familiar with the book (or you’re just curious what this series is all about), check out the intro episode 🔗HERE🔗.
In this episode, we discuss another aspect of the VALUE framework proposed by the author of the book. Each chapter contains exercises that we find very pertinent, we invite you to pause and reflect about theses exercises, if you'd like to.
The fourth chapter of this book is called 'understanding yourself', and woooo this one was a rollercoaster for us.
⚠️ Note: If you’re working through trauma or a mental health condition, please be mindful, some exercises can be emotionally triggering. Go at your own pace, respect your limits and don’t hesitate to seek support from professionals.
🎧 Listen to this episode on Spotify here 🎧:
💭 Why do we feel the way we feel?
Chapter 4 asks us to get curious about our inner world. Before we can work on our self-esteem, we need to understand why we think, feel, and behave the way we do. It’s about exploring the root causes of our patterns, especially the ones that make us feel unworthy, small, or “not enough.”
The author talks about how early life experiences, like school dynamics, parenting styles, sibling relationships, or even cultural messages, often create lasting emotional imprints. Maybe we were taught (directly or indirectly) that we had to earn love, or that mistakes made us bad people, or that being quiet/people-pleasing kept the peace.
We carry these beliefs silently into adulthood, and without realizing it, we keep operating from them, even when they no longer serve us.
🧠 Identifying the “why” behind our beliefs
David Bonham-Carter encourages us to ask ourselves questions like:
Where did I learn this belief about myself?
Who modeled this thinking for me?
What experiences shaped how I view success, failure, love, or identity?
Listen to our episode to hear us share personal reflections from doing these exercises, including some funny, cringy, and surprisingly tender moments. There's a bit of inner child healing and plenty of compassion along the way.
🎧 Listen to this episode on Youtube here 🎧:
⚠️ Spotting unhelpful thinking patterns
Another idea from Chapter 4 is learning to recognize our cognitive distortions, some classics include:
Catastrophizing (“If I mess this up, everything will fall apart.”)
Overgeneralizing (“I always fail at this.”)
Personalizing (“It must be my fault.”)
In the episode, we explains how these patterns sneak in and feed our low self-esteem, and how awareness is the first step to gently challenging them. You don’t have to bully yourself into confidence, in fact, that won't work one bit. Sometimes just not believing every anxious thought is enough to help.
Another idea from Chapter 4 is learning to recognize our cognitive distortions, some classics include:
Catastrophizing (“If I mess this up, everything will fall apart.”)
Overgeneralizing (“I always fail at this.”)
Personalizing (“It must be my fault.”)
In the episode, we explains how these patterns sneak in and feed our low self-esteem, and how awareness is the first step to gently challenging them. You don’t have to bully yourself into confidence, in fact, that won't work one bit. Sometimes just not believing every anxious thought is enough to help.
🪞 Getting to know your story
In the episode, we share how doing the book’s reflection prompts, the ones asking about family messages, painful memories, and emotional needs, brought up a lot. Not all of it fun. But all of it useful.
This isn’t about blaming the past, it’s about finally understanding it. Because when we understand it, we stop repeating it unconsciously.
And from that place of awareness, we can ask better questions:
What do I need now that I didn’t get then?
Can I give that to myself?
Can I start writing a new story?
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🦋 Final thoughts: Be curious, not cruel
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- Understanding yourself doesn’t mean blaming the past
- It means giving yourself the context and clarity to rewrite the script
- Take this as your sign to:
- Get curious about your beliefs
- Be gentle with what you uncover
- Know that growth starts with awareness, not perfection.
📆 Tune in next Saturday at 10AM, for the fifth episode of this mini-series, where we will discuss the second chapter of the book, called 'Accept Yourself'.
Join the Conversation
What are your thoughts on the subject? Any ideas for futures episodes? Feel free to leave comments below connect with us on social media!
We can't wait to unmask more of this life journey with y'alls.
Thanks so much for stopping by the pod!
Until next time, peace out, take care of yourselves out there and keep fluttering your wings 🦋
🔗 Links & Resources:
✍️ The BLOG about the intro episode 🔗HERE🔗
- Pay What you Can Peer Support
📸 Big News: Butterfly Shots Is Rebranding!
Our Butterfly Shots Photography is getting a glow-up!
While the website is still under construction, our new portfolio is now live!
This relaunch is all about Ash and her camera, out in the wild having fun again.
Capturing authentic moments, in bold contrasts and vivid colours.
A Little Extra Support Goes a Long Way
One last thing: If you’re struggling right now, you don’t have to do it alone. We shared something on the pod that we really believe in:
These are virtual groups where you can talk, vent, share, with others who get it. It’s accessible, inclusive, and judgement-free. Check them out if that resonates with you.
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