EPISODE 2/5 - MINI-SERIES : Discussion about the book 'Accept, value and empower yourself' by David B Carter

 Hello wonderful butterflies of this world 🦋,

Ash here, fluttering back into your feed with some self-esteem talk.

There's a new episode on the 'Ash Unmasked Podcast'! 

This is the second episode in a five-part mini-series about building self-esteem. In this mini-series, we explore the book 'Accept, Value and Empower Yourself' by David Bonham Carter. 

If you’ve been keeping up with our mini-series, you know we’ve been breaking down this book chapter by chapter. Each chapter contains exercises that we find very pertinent, we invite you to pause and reflect, if you'd like to. If you’re not familiar with the book (or you’re just curious what this series is all about), check out the intro episode 🔗HERE🔗.

⚠️ Note: If you’re working through trauma or a mental health condition, please be mindful, some exercises can be emotionally triggering. Go at your own pace, respect your limits and don’t hesitate to seek support from professionals.

Last episode, we explored valuing yourself. This episode is all about unconditional self-acceptance.

This chapter opens with this quote:

“Grant me the serenity to accept what I can't change, courage to change what I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” -Reinhold Niebuhr

A great one to start a chapter about accepting yourself, flaws and all.

Catch the Critic

The chapter’s first exercise is to catch self-critical thoughts when failing to meet a goal, and reframe them with compassion.

Affirmation to Remember:

“We're worthy, whether or not we succeed at fulfilling a certain goal. Our worth does not depend on our achievements.”

Let’s tattoo that one on our brains!

🎧 Listen to this episode on Spotify here 🎧: 

Benefits and drawbacks of unconditional self-acceptance

The author invites us to list out the benefits and drawbacks of practising unconditional self-acceptance. Here are ours:

Benefits:

• Happier mindset

• Less stress

• Stronger self-worth

• Easier to recover from failure

Possible Drawbacks:

• Worry about becoming lazy or too relaxed

• Fear of letting mistakes slide without growth

That being said, it is important to remember that self-acceptance is not arrogance. It’s not about letting ourselves off the hook. It’s about kindness instead of harshness.

How We Respond to Failure

The author mentions that we tend to land in one of three mindsets when we mess up:

1. Defensiveness or denial

2. Acceptance without judgment ✅

3. Harsh self-condemnation

The goal? Compassionate acceptance, without excuses, but also without shame.

🎧 Listen to this episode on Youtube here 🎧:

The ABC Model

The ABC Model by Albert Ellis is a tool to help unpack those spirals of negative self-judgment.

• A: Activating Event (what happened)

• B: Belief (what thought came up)

• C: Consequence (how you felt)

Spot the pattern. Challenge the belief. Debate with the inner critic. You’ll be surprised how much power that voice loses when you argue back.

The ACCEPT Tool

A six-step framework to help practice self-acceptance, the ACCEPT tool:

• Accept yourself

• Counsel a friend 

• Constructive approach

• Explore alternatives

• Prepare for the worst

• Try to focus on something else

Use it often, and it becomes second nature.

Recognizing Distorted Thinking

Distorted thinking patterns are sneaky mental traps that affects how we see ourselves and the world around us.

Here are just a few:

• All-or-Nothing Thinking

• Mind Reading

• Fortune Telling

• Catastrophizing

• Overgeneralizing

• Labeling

• Unrealistic Demands

• Emotional Reasoning

• Self-Downing

Recognize any? Yeah… us too.

The key is noticing when they show up. Once you do, you can challenge and balance them, especially through journaling.

Journaling

The author recommends journaling to track self-critical thoughts and beliefs. Following the ABC structure, or just free-writing.

Personally, we’ve been journaling for years now, everything from moods and meltdowns to sleep, stress, creativity, and healing. It’s our go-to tool for self-checkins and clarity.

Here’s the reminder we wrote to ourselves after reading this
chapter:

“Everybody makes mistakes. Even the best experts do. Mistakes don’t take away from your worth. In fact, they add to our worth as they're lessons. Self-acceptance means noticing our flaws, our inner voices and choosing kindness over judgment.”

🎙️Here are some of the authors key takeaways from chapter 2: 

• Catch and challenge negative thoughts
• Recognize distorted thinking
• Use journaling to stay aware and grounded
• Give yourself permission to make mistakes

📆 Tune in next Saturday at 10AM, for the third episode of this mini-series, where we will discuss the chapter 3 of the book, called 'Look after yourself'.

Join the Conversation 

What are your thoughts on the subject? Feel free to leave comments below or connect with us on social media!

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We can't wait to unmask more of this life journey with y'alls. 

Thanks so much for stopping by the pod!

Until next time, peace out, take care of yourselves out there and keep fluttering your wings 🦋

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