EPISODE 2/5 - MINI-SERIES : Discussion about the book 'Accept, value and empower yourself' by David B Carter
Hello wonderful butterflies of this world π¦,
Ash here, fluttering back into your feed with some self-esteem talk.
There's a new episode on the 'Ash Unmasked Podcast'!
This is the second episode in a five-part mini-series about building self-esteem. In this mini-series, we explore the book 'Accept, Value and Empower Yourself' by David Bonham Carter.
If you’ve been keeping up with our mini-series, you know we’ve been breaking down this book chapter by chapter. Each chapter contains exercises that we find very pertinent, we invite you to pause and reflect, if you'd like to. If you’re not familiar with the book (or you’re just curious what this series is all about), check out the intro episode πHEREπ.
⚠️ Note: If you’re working through trauma or a mental health condition, please be mindful, some exercises can be emotionally triggering. Go at your own pace, respect your limits and don’t hesitate to seek support from professionals.
Last episode, we explored valuing yourself. This episode is all about unconditional self-acceptance.
This chapter opens with this quote:
“Grant me the serenity to accept what I can't change, courage to change what I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” -Reinhold Niebuhr
A great one to start a chapter about accepting yourself, flaws and all.
Catch the Critic
The chapter’s first exercise is to catch self-critical thoughts when failing to meet a goal, and reframe them with compassion.
Affirmation to Remember:
“We're worthy, whether or not we succeed at fulfilling a certain goal. Our worth does not depend on our achievements.”
Let’s tattoo that one on our brains!
π§ Listen to this episode on Spotify here π§:
Benefits and drawbacks of unconditional self-acceptance
The author invites us to list out the benefits and drawbacks of practising unconditional self-acceptance. Here are ours:
Benefits:
Happier mindset
Less stress
Stronger self-worth
Easier to recover from failure
Possible Drawbacks:
Worry about becoming lazy or too relaxed
Fear of letting mistakes slide without growth
That being said, it is important to remember that self-acceptance is not arrogance. It’s not about letting ourselves off the hook. It’s about kindness instead of harshness.
How We Respond to Failure
The author mentions that we tend to land in one of three mindsets when we mess up:
Defensiveness or denial
Acceptance without judgment ✅
Harsh self-condemnation
The goal? Compassionate acceptance, without excuses, but also without shame.
π§ Listen to this episode on Youtube here π§:
The ABC Model
The ABC Model by Albert Ellis is a tool to help unpack those spirals of negative self-judgment.
A: Activating Event (what happened)
B: Belief (what thought came up)
C: Consequence (how you felt)
Spot the pattern. Challenge the belief. Debate with the inner critic. You’ll be surprised how much power that voice loses when you argue back.
The ACCEPT Tool
A six-step framework to help practice self-acceptance, the ACCEPT tool:
Accept yourself
Counsel a friend
Constructive approach
Explore alternatives
Prepare for the worst
Try to focus on something else
Use it often, and it becomes second nature.
Recognizing Distorted Thinking
Distorted thinking patterns are sneaky mental traps that affects how we see ourselves and the world around us.
Here are just a few:
All-or-Nothing Thinking
Mind Reading
Fortune Telling
Catastrophizing
Overgeneralizing
Labeling
Unrealistic Demands
Emotional Reasoning
Self-Downing
Recognize any? Yeah… us too.
The key is noticing when they show up. Once you do, you can challenge and balance them, especially through journaling.
Journaling
The author recommends journaling to track self-critical thoughts and beliefs. Following the ABC structure, or just free-writing.
Personally, we’ve been journaling for years now, everything from moods and meltdowns to sleep, stress, creativity, and healing. It’s our go-to tool for self-checkins and clarity.
Here’s the reminder we wrote to ourselves after reading this
chapter:
“Everybody makes mistakes. Even the best experts do. Mistakes don’t take away from your worth. In fact, they add to our worth as they're lessons. Self-acceptance means noticing our flaws, our inner voices and choosing kindness over judgment.”
π️Here are some of the authors key takeaways from chapter 2:
- Catch and challenge negative thoughts
- Recognize distorted thinking
- Use journaling to stay aware and grounded
- Give yourself permission to make mistakes
Join the Conversation
What are your thoughts on the subject? Feel free to leave comments below or connect with us on social media!
We can't wait to unmask more of this life journey with y'alls.
Thanks so much for stopping by the pod!
Until next time, peace out, take care of yourselves out there and keep fluttering your wings π¦
π Links & Resources:
πΈ Big News: Butterfly Shots Is Rebranding!
Our Butterfly Shots Photography is getting a makeover!
While the website is still under construction, our new portfolio is now live!
This relaunch is all about Ash and her camera, out in the wild having fun again.
Capturing authentic moments, in bold contrasts and vivid colours.
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