Been scratching at imperfections

Hello wonderful butterflies of this world 🦋,

It's you host, Ash, from Butterfly Shots Photography!

Today we dive in to a personal poem that was created in March 2022. A raw and unfiltered piece of art, written a pen that many of us know all too well. It’s the voice of someone battling with the invisible struggles of high-functioning anxiety, perfectionism, and dermatillomania.

The poem is accompanied by an overlay of two self-portraits from 2022. 

BEEN SCRATCHING AT IMPERFECTIONS

High functioning anxiety.

Scratching until it bleeds.

Body and brain.

Spiraling into dark thoughts.

Perfectionism.

Looking for imperfections just to scratch at them.

Feeling overwhelmed.

Forgetting to love yourself.

 

Journal of Ash (march 2022)

 

The poem, "Been Scratching at Imperfections," speaks about a painful cycle of self-doubt and self-inflicted harm. It’s about a body and brain in constant conflict, where imperfections are searched for desperately, only to be magnified and scrutinized.

For those who live with high-functioning anxiety, this image of "scratching until it bleeds" is all too familiar. It’s the quiet ache of working tirelessly to meet unrealistic standards, both set by oneself and by the pressures of the world around us. The need to appear "fine," even when everything inside feels like it’s unraveling, is an exhausting existence.

Perfectionism feeds into this. The poem touches on the relentless desire to find flaws, to perfect them, and to heal what’s broken. The words, "Looking for imperfections just to scratch at them," are emblematic of this behavior. It’s a toxic loop — a need to control the uncontrollable, to correct the unfixable.

And with each scratch, there’s a sense of temporary relief, followed by the sting of regret and shame. It’s not just the skin that gets wounded; it’s the spirit, the self-worth, that suffers with every act of self-harm, however subtle.

For many, dermatillomania, also known as skin picking disorder, is the physical manifestation of anxiety. It becomes an outlet, a coping mechanism that takes form in the act of picking at the skin, often to the point of injury. The poem subtly references this when it speaks of "scratching until it bleeds," a line that goes beyond metaphor into a painful reality for some.

But the poem doesn’t just leave us with the weight of anxiety and perfectionism. It ends with a call to remember something that is often forgotten in the midst of the battle:

"Forgetting to love yourself."

This simple, yet profound, statement brings attention to a powerful truth: self-compassion is the antidote to the destructive cycle of self-criticism. In a world where we’re constantly taught to strive for more, to do better, to be perfect, it’s easy to forget the importance of accepting ourselves as we are.

The journey to healing is not linear, and it is often messy. But the first step in overcoming dermatillomania and perfectionism is embracing self-love and kindness.

Join the Conversation 

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Thanks so much for stopping by and joining me.

Until next time, peace out, take care of yourselves out there and keep fluttering your wings 🦋